Dear Rosalie
by Little Orange Frog
Summary: Rosalie,read this carefully. You will not throw this away. You will not burn it with your hairdryers.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Edward, or a red BMW.**

_Rosalie, read this carefully. You will not throw this away. You will not burn this with your hairdryers._

1. You will not disconnect the cables in Bella's truck while she is asleep.

2. You will not lick you lips and say "I wanna go hunting today" while looking at Bella.

3. You will not help Alice kidnap Bella against Edward's will.

4. You may not overdose Bella's supper with cold medicine.

5. You may not overdose Bella's supper with any kind of medicine.

6. Or her breakfast.

7. Or her lunch.

8. You will not tell Carlisle that he left his pink Prada Tote in the trunk of your car while walking by a group of innocent

bystanders.

9. You will not threaten to incapacitate Alice when she steals your Green Stiletto heels.

10. You will not hotwire Edward's Volvo when he refuses to give you a ride.

11. You will not steal Jasper's old Confederate uniform and blame it on Emmett.

12. You will not steal Jasper's old rifle to shoot Emmett next time he steals your lip-gloss.

13. You shall not distract Esme while Alice repaints her kitchen.

14. You may not encourage Alice to set up a mini-mall in the kitchen.

15. And then take pictures to put on YouTube.

16. And then email them to everyone in Forks………………again.

17. You will not pay Mike Newton to flirt with Bella in front of Edward.

18. You shall not take Esme's hat collection and then attempt to sell them it back to her.

19. You may not call the therapists on Alice again and tell them that she is a shopping addict.

20. You may not bribe Emmett into letting you use his Jeep to do doughnuts in Bella and Edward's meadow.

21. You may not steal Emmett's video games, and put them in Jasper's closet.

22. Or Edward's closet.

23. Or Carlisle's closet.

24. And then accuse the aforementioned.

25. You may not call the therapists on Esme again an tell them that you are afraid she is stealing your hairdryers.

26. You may not sell Edward's piano on eBay

27. And then buy him a canary to take its place.

28. Also, you may not buy Jasper a pansy and ask if anyone can see the resemblance.

_Rosalie, reread this and do not go against it, okay? Okay._

_-Edward_

**Hey! Thanks to everyone who reviewed!(which was not many people)**

**R&R! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, or any of its characters. –sigh-**

_Dear Rosalie, You acknowledged my previous letter, but based on what happened yesterday, I felt I ought to write you another. _

1. You may not hypnotize Bella so that she will breakup with Edward.

2. You may not replace Bella's toothpaste with a tube of superglue……..again.

3. You may not write love letters to Esme and sign them: "Love, Jasper".

4. You may not write love letters to Carlisle and sign them: "Love, Jasper".

5. You will not tell Mike Newton that Emmett is in love with him.

6. Or that Edward and Bella broke up.

7. You will not steal Edward's CD collection

8. And then use them to blackmail him………again.

9. You shall not pawn off Esme's best silver.

10. You shall not pawn off Carlisle's computer……….again.

11. You may not give Bella excessive amounts of sugar

12. And then videotape her on sugar-rush.

13. And then blackmail her with it.

14. You will not replace Bella's shampoo with blue dye………again.

15. You will not call Chief Swan and tell him that Bella is getting a tattoo.

……it's likely to give him an aneurysm.

16. You may not refer to Esme's flower garden as "The Cemetery"

17. You may not refer to Alice as "The Short One"

18. You may not refer to Edward as "The Irrational One"

19. You may not threaten to burn Bella to death with your hairdryers.

20. You may not loan Alice your hairdryer after you have filled it with baby-powder

21. And then take pictures to put on your MySpace.

22. You will not scare Jasper and Emmett into thinking that the evil penguins are real

23. And that Alice is their leader.

24. And that the evil penguins are coming to get them.

25. Also, you may not laugh like a maniac while you tell them this. **MMMWWWHAHAHAHAHAHA**

_  
Rosalie, please understand that I write this in your best interest. _

_-Your rational brother, Edward_

**_Was it any good? PPPPLLLLLEEEEEAAAAAASSSSSSEEEEE review! please? please? please? will you? _**

**_YAY ! ! ! ! !_ thank you to everyone who has reviewed, and who will review! ;D**


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